then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
