I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
This baby is an asshole
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize