the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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