if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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