you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize