That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
