So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
