I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
