who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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