Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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