After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
