you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize