I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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