It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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