wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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