did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
