Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
