we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
