JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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