new low.... made out with someone while peeing
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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