i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
