Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize