glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
