Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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