he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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