hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
