i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
