I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
