i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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