If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I love you.
Bad choice
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
