They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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