What a fucking waste of an outfit
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
