Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
It was confusing and full of hummus
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
