is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
