I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
