i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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