Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
