Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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