Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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