I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize