Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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