I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
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