im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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