I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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