Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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