he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
