Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
