Define "chronic" masturbator.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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