allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I need to sanitize my soul.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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