Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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