Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
We smell like vodka and hangover
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
