If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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