you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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