the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
