My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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