i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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