If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Holy shit dude........stairs
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
