Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
