sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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