GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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