I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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