my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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