No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
