i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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