I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I cockslap morals
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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