I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize