just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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