girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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