One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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