Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
