i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just threw up on my dentist
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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