so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
As shirtless as possible
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize