I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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