2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
