Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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