Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
