I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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