Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
