the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
