I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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