We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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