I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
