I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
