Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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