True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
