it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
