Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
And then he peed in my hair
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