In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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