my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
