if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
